Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
