and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
