you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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