In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
