I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
