Screwed.edu
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
