so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
