Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
