The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
