Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
