I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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