last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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