hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
