can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
