Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
