Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
