I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
