No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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