Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
