And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
