i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
