bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He shit in the fireplace
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
