People with herpes should wear stickers.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
