i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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