tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
