If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
