Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
