I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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