Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
