found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
