party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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