if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i came on her dog
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Randomize
