Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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