True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
