I just pynch a tree in the face
I am spending my child support on dildos
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
where are my eyebrows?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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