After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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