She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
