Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
