I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
