I faked an abortion last night.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
