There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
you never un-have a 4some
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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