And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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