at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
