If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
