yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
