6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is Oprah even human
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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