420 ftw
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
