Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
