The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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