If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Enjoy the penises
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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