I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
